I really love watching romantic and sad movies because I always end up crying. That’s my own way to let my inner feelings out.
Sometimes When I feel tired of being sad and depressed, I suddenly want to be around a noisy place, even though I hate it. I suddenly miss the loud voices and laughs of my friends and suddenly I want to go clubbing, even though I never been to bars and clubs. I want to forget being sad because I realized that its tiring.
Lately I’ve been so emotional that I don’t even dare to speak and to share what I feel at all. I know it’s wrong, to keep this all to myself. I know I have a lot of good people to share those with, to make me feel better, but suddenly I feel like I’ll just waste their time. That’s why I decided to just keep silent and quiet for the time being. But last night, I saw my father drunk, and I really hate it. Then again I remember all our problems, and the hurt I’ve been hiding all these time. I can’t breath, I can feel the weight inside of me. I really can’t bear it anymore so I sent a message to my best friend in LA telling that I miss them, and suddenly she replied. She just asked me what’s wrong and suddenly tears fell from my eyes without noticing it. I’ve been through a lot of pain lately but even my tears were hiding from my eyes. She has this ability to sense if I’m not okay, and make me cry at the same time. Thank God for her.
Now I’m trying to be okay, to smile and to be fine again. I realized that being depressed and sad won’t make me feel any better and will just make me worse. So I’ll try to start being happy again. I must. I know God is with me. I hope in time, these problems will be solved and our family will go back to normal, where all of us are smiling and living a good life we’ve been through.
I’m sorry if I’m not a perfect friend for you. I’m sorry if I can’t laugh so hard with you, I try so hard, but even my laugh is quiet as I am. I’m sorry if I’m corny as shit, and can’t contribute so much on making jokes. I’m sorry if I’m not too loud, I’m just being observant and calm. I’m sorry if sometimes you feel like I’m not listening, but if you want me to repeat all you’ve just said, I can do it. I’m just thinking on how can I help you, and what advice can I tell to you. I’m sorry if sometimes I’m being a killjoy, I just want to be alone sometimes. I have so much problems but I don’t want to bother you. I’m sorry if I’m not a good companion, I’m just afraid if you’ll get bored if you’re with me. I’m sorry if I cannot contribute so much in sharing stories, especially on love, I just don’t have some, and you know that. All I want to share with you are happy things. I’m not good in sharing problems, I feel like no one cares what I’m going through so yeah, I always pretend that I’m okay, that I’m happy. I’m sorry if I cry in no time, I didn’t even see that coming. That’s why I always hide when I feel like bursting. I’m sorry about my imperfections. All I want is to make you all happy.
God is so good. He knows that I need someone who can make me feel comfortable and happy, whenever I feel so lonely. He gave me a bunch of people who can understand me, and make me feel so special. Thank you guys, I’m sorry if I cannot give you back that feeling but I just want you to know you’re all an angel and I love you all with all my heart.
“I don’t feel like talking
just how it goes :))
Random Links,Tweet me :) Face..book The Symphony of Life Lovesome Charmlets